After three incredible months of 2011 I can identify with vintage U2... The year seems to have flown by in a blur of busy-ness, doctors, medical tests, and writing...
It's not that I've lost faith or anything... it's just that sometimes I'm not quite sure what my life-purpose is (phew, sounds so... like... wow!)...
Certainly not questioning my calling as an ordained minister in the Methodist Church of Southern Africa - I firmly believe that I'm where God wants me to be right now. Trinity is still challenging, fun, and a real Family.
I have had quite a health shock... at 50 realised I'm not quite as immortal as I thought. All sorts of health hassles. The three main ones are:
~ being "pre-diabetic", which means my blood sugar level is far too high, but not at the level when they diagnose it as "daibetic". This does mean that I can lower it to acceptable levels with a very strict "diabetic" outlook on my food intake and my lifestyle. Getting into the groove now, but really struggled in the beginning with not having any "nice" snacks, rusks, white bread and syrup, etc. Blood sugar is dropping slowly... yay!
~ having a hiatus hernia, with all the reflux, discomfort, and pain that goes with it. Once again, a huge lifestyle change... in what I eat and in how and when I eat. I've had to give up coffee and tea! Thankyou, I feel for me too!
~ the main concern at the moment is my vocal cords. While I've been struggling with them for some time, they kind of "packed up" in mid-January. Saw an ENT who put me on to complete voice rest for two weeks. Interesting. Firstly, how difficult it was to just be quiet, especially when in a group of people (I eventually withdrew from all meetings, gatherings, etc). Secondly, sitting in a worship service and not being able to join in the singing and prayers, etc. Thirdly, of course, being in worship at Trinity, but not preaching. Having to cancel appointments, and get others to fulfil "my" weddings, etc. And, finally, the very real prospect that I may not regain my voice sufficiently to continue in the ministry "of Word and Sacrament" (thats the term on my ordination certificate).
Thirdly, while the vision of the Malihambe! series burns even brighter than before, I'm really struggling to get to grips with finishing off the commentary I'm working on now (Psalms 1-72). Been reflecting on my writing... on it becoming more central in my ministry. Tricky.
Phew... enough for one rant. I've spent some time unpacking each of the above... will need to write/type them down sometime soon.
Until then... God has a plan (Jeremiah 29:11)...
Shalom.
